🔗 Share this article

One Side: Beth

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?